Attention All Weirdos and Wackos:

Whitney Cummins will now be your server.

"Min" last Saturday evening:
I was working until 10:50pm that evening because my favorite old couple came in (good personalities, horrible timing). meaning when I got home (due to the time change) it was really almost midnight. Joyous Saturday night.

"Min" on Monday:
4:20- Leave for work
4:25-5:00 - Prepare for opening of work.
5:00- 7:00 - sloooooow. So. Un-Godly. Slow.
7:00 - 8:00 - Slight rush. I made some money.
8:00- 8:45 - DEAD.
8:45 - Man and his girlfriend walk in. Turns out...he is the weirdest man alive. No joke, he deserves an award. He tells me they will probably be staying late. Oh good.

When he finds out we don't have Diet Mt. Dew he is extremely disappointed. He says he'll "be right back" but orders 2 Shrimp Cocktails before he leaves.

9:00 - Man returns with a diet Mt. Dew in his coat pocket. He went across the street to buy one. And he refuses to take the pop out of his coat pocket and set it on the table. No matter how many times I tell him It's OK. He says he doesn't want to "get in trouble".

He then gobbles up the shrimp (both of them) not sharing at all with his girlfriend. When he finds out she wanted some he orders two more. "And I might be ordering them throughout the night!" Um....NO, you won't. The kitchen closes at 9:30 dude.

9:15 - "Have you guys decided what you want to eat yet?" She has. He hasn't. He asked me 9 billion questions. Tells me he can't decide because he's fat. Says he needs liposuction then literally begins to sing a song to be about him being a fattie. Out of nowhere he quickly decides to leave the restaurant.

9:20ish - He returns...with another Diet Mt. Dew in his coat pocket. And finally orders. Still, will not set that damn pop on the table.

9:25- My favorite old couple walk in. OH great.

9:30 - "Min" "closes"

Weirdo calls me over to talk to him. Most awkward, unnatural, wacky conversation of my life. Turns out he is a High School teacher, and is almost 60 years old. When he finds out I'm a future teacher, the awkward conversation continues. When he finds out my dad is a teacher he just has to know my dad's life story. His girlfriend apologizes to me for him being so weird. But really...why is she dating this guy?

Here is a sampling of our conversation:

Some friendly teaching advice-
1. Don't be a teacher (hmmm...a little to late).
2. In Champaign, kids hurt eachother with hammers. (....What???)
3. In Peoria, kids hurt eachother with guns.

Some friendly information on his life-
1. My girlfriend pays for everything we do. (loser)
2. I have a friend who is a genius. He's from the Freeport area. (And, should I care?)
3. My girlfriend had a bad day. And sometimes she tells me she doesn't know why she's dating me. (She nods).

And then some questions he asks me-
1. Why are salads at "Min" so expensive? (Why does it matter...your girlfriend is paying, no?)
2. Now....do you know this? Starts to sing a song in another language. (No, dude I don't. I don't speak crazy)
3. When did Columbus sail the ocean blue? (1492, and when are you sailing out of here??!!!)

9:50 - Another waitress thankfully pulls me away from weirdo and then she luckily gets to leave for the night.

9:55 - I notice wacky is gone again. That's right...another Mt. Dew. He returns a few minutes later. Still hiding it.

10:00 - I serve weirdo and his girlfriend their food. weirdo just had to have an Italian Beef sandwich with the Beef on the side and the bun on a separate plate. When i set down his beef (which is in a bowl) he literally puts his face INTO the bowl like a dog, and begins loudly and disgustingly eating it. Girlfriend turns bright red.

After about 45 horribly uncomfortable seconds later he pulls his face up, beef coming out of his mouth, juices running down his chin, and smiling.
"Is this the weirdest thing you ever saw a teacher do?"
"Uhhhh.........welll..........YES." Before turning and running away to tell Joe.

I didn't know whether to laugh, scream, or call the insane asylum.
Dude was NUTS.

10:30- Weirdo and girlfriend finally leave. I truly hope she dumped him after that night. No self respecting woman.....

10:45- My favorite old couple leaves. Another late night for me.

"Min" Tonight:
My favorite old couple returns. I didn't get home until 10:45.

Do I have the worst luck? Or do I have the worst luck?

Good news: I'm leaving for Spring Break tomorrow. Hallelujah for time off!!!!!!!!!