1st Notice

Dear Pigeons on my Balcony,

My roommates and I gave you permission to build your nest on our balcony this Spring. It was very generous of us.

We decided we could tolerate your endless squabbles starting at 5am because watching nature is that much fun!

But our deal was based upon the agreement that your nest (and most of your activities) would be centered on Kelli's end of the balcony next to her bedroom, not mine.

But then you decide to lay one of your eggs, not in the nest you started to build, but just flat out on the balcony, closer to my side.

This is unacceptable.
First of all: what kind of stupid ass pigeons build a nest and then don't lay their egg on that nest.
Second of all: Father pigeon, you keep prancing and circling around that egg as if you can't decide how it got there. Tell your wife to improve her aim!
Third of all: This is my mother fucking balcony. If I want to open my door up to the screen I should be allowed to and not have you flutter in a fricking frenzy.

Now, you've clearly violated our terms of agreement. We can hopefully solve this in a nice, amicable way.

You can either:
A. Leave things how they are, but shut the fuck up and eat some glue to stick your beaks together.
B. Allow the wind to knock your egg off the balcony, and focus on raising eggs in the nest on Kelli's side.
C. Get shot with a BB gun

Make your decision. But please, don't be angry. I really do want to watch your family grow...just without all the fucking squabbles every morning.

Love,
Your Landlord