And pretty soon I'll be in a casket

I should be studying, I should be writing a paper, I should be doing something.
In fact, I have an 8 page research paper due tomorrow that I have yet to start. And its 11:40pm. But I'm pretty sure I won't be doing any paper writing tonight. Lucky for me, I have a free late assignment pass to use... so I can turn in the paper a week from tomorrow. Maybe not my smartest decision, since I also get to work on a 15 page paper AND a 10 page paper this weekend.
Seriously its like the semester of papers for me. And they're all hard. Hard, Hard, Hard. My brain hurts when I think about them. They make me want to drink.

Speaking of drinking, MJ turns 21 June 1st. That means a summer of legal fun (for one of us). And a stocked alcohol cabinet in our apartment.

It's pretty unbelievable that I will be turning 21 in a few months as well. When did I get so old? That means in a year from now I'll almost be 22. 22!!! That seems SO old to me. I remember being a little elementary school girl, drawing pictures of myself for an autobiography of where I would be in life when I was 21/22. And I thought I was going to be quite the grown up. But I'm not and I definitely don't see myself being one anytime soon.

It seems that all of a sudden not only am I getting old, but everyone around me is too. Just this past fall I went through a pretty life changing moment when my brother got married. Something about having your sibling walk down the isle changes where you are, or supposed to be in your own life. It makes you take a deep look at yourself and attempt to understand where your life should be heading. It wasn't surprising that Nate got married when he did, it just was surprising that my brother was old enough to get married. When did this happen!? When did we become adults? But Nate and Kim's wedding day has been one of the best days of my entire life, and I couldn't be happier about it.

I guess part of the reason it was so easy to accept was not only because I love Kim to death, but because I always thought of Nate as so much more mature, smarter, and adult-like than myself. Nate was always the brother I looked up to so much and wanted to be like. He was my oldest brother, the one who would protect me and who I could always strive to emulate.

And while I always looked up to Brady and thought the world of him as well, he was more of a buddy to me than a role model (partly because of our close age). And I think this has everything to do with my shock of him getting married. Because if Brady is old enough to get married; the immature, playful, friend of mine, then there is simply no denying that I too, am getting OLD.

Scary. Suddenly I'm going to be a girl with TWO married brothers. TWO sister-in-laws. (which I am quite excited about, I've been looking forward to that for ages...watching your brothers play every sport and being violent in every way, was only entertaining for a very short while). And all of a sudden people are going to be looking at me as the only one left to be unmarried. I'll be the last un-wed Cummins. Not that the marrying part scares me, I know I've found the guy I'm going to marry. It's just incredibly odd knowing that people will associate you in that way. WE-IRD. I can guarantee right now that at least three people will ask me after Brady's wedding, "So when are you going to get married? It's your turn next." That's one of those really really annoying questions in my opinion. I don't feel pressured to marry Kyle anytime remotely soon, because we will do it when we're fricking ready. So I think I should give some really unexpected answer like, "Actually in a few months, I'm pregnant...Just DON'T tell my mom" or "I don't believe in marriage, it degrades women and makes them submissive to the male-dominated society we live in". And that should shut them up.

But honestly, I'm so happy for both of my brothers. I'm so happy they get to be at this point in their lives. It is a little sad though. It's sad to know we're really grown-ups. Its sad to know that it will never just be the three of us again. I have so many great memories from childhood with my two big brothers. But alas, growing up happens. And we'll all die too.

So enjoy life!