A Little bit of this, A Little bit of that

With all of these homework assignments, teaching responsibilities, and general school stress, there's alot I haven't written about as of late.

For example, I don't think I've written a word about how my Freeport home sold. And how in 2 weeks I'll officially be just another suburban girl down here at the U of I (God help me). Yep, it's pretty weird to think I'll never again see the house I've lived the past 21 years in. I was hoping to be able to make it home in the next weekends, but that hope keeps looking less and less likely. Especially because I have midterms up my ass the next few weeks. So I'm really (actually extremely) sad about never seeing my house again. I keep trying not to think about it so I won't have to feel so sad....but I know at some point it's going to hit me; the place with all those memories.....I'll never be there again.

It sucks. Especially because I become so attached to things and my home is no exception. I'm going to miss it so much. My yard, my pool, the family room I've spent so many lazy days in, our home at Christmas, the bright kitchen, my room, just everything. Plus my two dogs are buried there, Taffy and Cassie, and the realization I'll never get to say goodbye to them hit me pretty hard the other night. Sad. This is why I hate change so much. I don't want to say goodbye to my home, but I have no choice.

I also haven't written about how homesick I am. Not to ironic, seeing as how I soon won't have a real home. But lately, especially today and this weekend I've been feeling really really homesick. I miss my parents....I haven't seen them since they moved me in here and probably won't see them till thanksgiving. And that sucks. Most people like to go to college to get away from their parents. I just end up missing mine. And I miss Kyle. I haven't seen him since my birthday and won't see him until the weekend of the 20th (our 5 year anniversary) marking the longest period we've ever gone without seeing eachother; about 7 weeks. And let's face it, I pretty much miss everyone else as well: Nate, Brady, Grandma, Kim, Kenna.....why do I feel like I never see these people? And why do I feel so cut off from everything? This is the problem with being a complete homebody.....you end up like me.

This morning (despite what this blog's date says I'm writing this Monday afternoon) I went to my second day of teaching at Thomas Jefferson Middle School. It was alot of fun this week and I actually got to walk around the classroom and help the kids to things! I felt like a real teacher and it was excitttttttinnnnnggg!!! PLUS there was a pretty cool fight down the hall, this kid actually had to get arrested. Oh, and I found out the kids at TJMS aren't allowed to have water bottles at school because in the past there was one to many cases of the water being spiked. What!? 7th and 8th graders spike their water? Dear Lord, that's hardcore. Especially to a girl who didn't have a real drink until right before Freshman year of College.

I actually have alot more to talk about but I have to go leave for work. I'm so tired and I just want to sleep!! But now I'm off to work till 10ish. Boo :(

Happy October!

(My lovely home at Christmas.....sigh)

Late but (not-so) great!

Some of my Birthday pictures! Mind you, I'm drunk in 100% of these and excluded many many more which were just to shameful to show anyone. And don't forget to read my blog below this about my Middle School Adventure yesterday! Enjoy!

Me with my American birthday present pictures! Because I'm such a hard core America lover. Fuck yeah!

Marty, Me, Alex, and Kelli. And Kelli's chest.

Me happy as all hell during the 21st dance party. Yea to being 21!!!

So I love this picture for numerous reasons. 1. At this point all of us, allll of us were extremely wasted. 2. I have no idea who either of these guys were and for how long they were with us. Apparently they're Alex's freinds. And finally 3. the look on dude in the red shirt's facial expression. Priceless.

Watch out! I'm 21!!!!!!

You can just call me Ms. Cummins from now on...

Because that's what the kids call me and it is the most crazy insane thing ever. I've been called Ms. Cummins before, but it's usually been by teachers in highschool when I was being scolded or picked on to answer a question. However know hearing "Ms. Cummins" coming from a child looking to me as an authority figure is quite exciting....and weird.

So my experience at Thomas Jefferson Middle School went well. I'm really thinking I will enjoy my time there as an intern. And since your all dying to know how things went (I'm sure) here's how things went down on Monday:

Woke up at 5:45 am. I believe waking up before the sun does is truly the most painful thing a college student can do. Then I slowly got ready because my eyes were still half closed with sleep but was pretty much awake by the time my ride rolled in at 6:30. So the 1 hr. drive to Decatur wasn't to bad, just too early and too long.

We got there a bit before 7:30 and I was pleasantly surprised that the school wasn't a piece of shit. It was not as nice as my middle school but was not falling apart or ugly by any means. The school is virtually 50/50 black/white but 72% of their kids are economically disadvantaged! That is pretty sad and part of the reason why the school is "failing" state standards. Fuck state standards. Fuck no child left behind. (But I won't get into that now....ok, I will a little. If that Act isn't changed shortly it will be complete bullshit. Not saying No Child Left Behind doesn't have some good parts to it, but there are so many shit parts. I'm sorry, but when 90% of teachers completely hate an Act such as this....that should be saying something! It needs some work! And I want it done before I start teaching!) Okay, done with that.

Anyway, when we got to the school we listened to a presentation and were given a tour of the school by our on-site supervisor Mrs. Butt (hehe...and can you imagine, she taught middle schoolers for 30+ years!). She stressed to us the importance of what we're doing, the importance of meeting their standards (they have this crazy daily objectives requirements), and even made me tear up a bit when she told us how much our presence means to these kids who have nothing and how hard it is when we leave them at the end of the semester, like everyone else in their life has done before us. Sad. But thats why I want to be a teacher full time. I won't have to leave the kids I make a connection with. And I can hopefully fill the position of roll-model or figure they need in life.

After an hour I was finally able to meet Mrs. Woodward. I was placed in her class with two other U of I students; Molly and Caleb (both very nice). And Mrs. Woodward? Well, she is a character. She has this Louuuud BOOOOOMING voice that carries I'm pretty sure down the hallway. I know when I public speak I can have a commanding voice, but nothing like hers. Dear Lord she has a powerful voice. But she is very nice, laid back, and seems like she will be fun. I got to sit in on three of her classes (8th grade, getting ready for the Constitution test baby!) which were all reasonably well behaved. Sort of scary that I have to come up with a lesson and teach by myself to one of these groups though in the next month. Scary indeed. Because we were only there for such a short time on Monday though Molly, Caleb, and I weren't able to find out exactly what Mrs. Woodward expects of us each week. So not till next Monday I suppose.

And that was my morning in a nutshell. I learned two kids names; Trey (blonde haired, surfer looking, know it all - in a good way), Dylan (red head, quiet), and that alone is pretty impressive for me. I can only handle so many names at a time. The ride home went quick, especially because me and my two carpooling buddies swapped stories the whole time.

So all in all it was a good day. I'm excited to go back and excited to get to know the kids. I just wish I could have my own class already! Like my own class. Student teaching reminds me of babysitting in a way and the uncomfortableness that can come along with it. For example, you want to punish the kids sometimes, discipline them, or use your own methods you think will be effective but you fully can't because you don't want to piss off parents or over step your boundaries. Same thing for student teaching. How much can you yell at the kids, how much can it feel like your students when their just not? But when they're your own kids, and your own classroom....well, then I know I'll be much more comfortable and much more effective.

The rest of my Monday sucked pretty hardcore. I was sooooo ridiculously tired and had no time to sit and rest until I finished work at 9 pm last night. Ouch. Mondays (and Wednesdays) are looooooong days for this girl. But I can't complain, Thomas Jefferson treated me very well yesterday. Yea to that!

So I'm off to work on this paper that I keep putting off and putting off. Honestly, I am the worst procrastinator in the world. Anyone having flashbacks to last spring where I put off the 30 page paper till like a few nights before it was due? Yeah, I don't know if I'll ever be able to shake this procrastination thing. Hey, I work better under pressure anyway. But I guess I wouldn't really know otherwise.

Alrighty! I'm off! Happy Tuesday Evening all!

You know what sucks?

...Having it already be 9 pm on a Sunday night and knowing I have to get up at 5:45 am tomorrow morning. It sucks hardcore.

So I begin my student teaching adventures tomorrow and I'm a bundle of all different emotions right now. Scared, nervous, excited, but mostly anxious because I just don't know what to expect. What I do know is I'm being picked up at 6:30am so me and my fellow carpoolers can make it to Decatur, IL by 7:30. (Of course I would be placed to student teach/observe in the farthest possible city). Then I know that all of the U or I students at Decatur will be given a tour of the school before meeting with our designated classroom teacher.

So this is where the anxious part comes in. I know I'm placed at Thomas Jefferson Middle School. I know I'll be working with 8th graders (ugh...no highschool till next semester), but I don't know anything about this Mrs. Jacqueline Woodward. Will she be nice? young? old? strict? helpful? God I hope so. I'm going to need plenty of help. All the people preparing us for this observation/student teaching adventure keep assuring us we won't be expected to do anything but observe our first day. But after that, it's completely up to your designated teacher. They could just want you to observe everyday and take roll call only, they could have you help out around the classroom, or they could insist you teach the lesson they prepared....by yourself. Imagine, me teaching a history lesson to middle schoolers next week. Terrifying! Do I really know enough history to be teaching it? Really?

Yikes. It's a bit intimidating. Also because I know by the end of this semester I have to come up with and deliver a lesson of my very own. Jeesh. How is this happening already. Hopefully I'll have another U of I student in the classroom with me so there's some moral support close by. But per usual, I don't know yet if there will be.

I'm having trouble concentrating on homework today because all I can think about is tomorrow! How weird! I have this super nice professional outfit all laid out and know I'll look nice....but then....I know I'll feel so ridiculous. Let's be honest, I'm no professional. I just got trashed this weekend then drunk stumbled around my apartment trying to make mac and cheese at 3:30am Friday night. Now I'm supposed to blend in with real teachers who are real adults? Ha, this should be interesting.

I would also feel a bit better about life if i knew this upcoming week was going to be laid back. But no, I have a big paper due Friday and mounds of reading to do. Not to mention the fact that the next two weeks after this I have 3 more papers due, and two midterms. Joy.

Man oh man this could be insane. But for now I need to get going. I have to go to bed in a few hours to be ready for my big day tomorrow! Wish me luck!!

I Have a Huge Head.....

But seriously I do. It's actually pretty massive compared to alot of peoples. I also have a huge forehead.

But I'm not talking about the actual size of my head today, I'm talking about how huge my head has become due to my domination of my speech yesterday. It was about napping, yes napping and I killed it. I got a huge round of applause, several hearty laughs, and many compliments by my fellow students. Since then, I've had a hard time squeezing my head through doorways.

I've also had a big boost because I received a $250 check in the mail yesterday. Thank God for that summer security deposit. It really came at a good time.

And it came at a good time because I'm already having to renew my lease for this apartment NEXT WEEK. Yes, leasing apartments here in Champaign-Urbana is completely insane, stupid, and ridiculous. They're also raising apartment prices ALL over campus because three new extremely expensive complexes are being built for next year.

Bullshit. It's so stupid I have to renew this lease when I've only been living here for one month. Ah well, what can I do.

Another good thing that happened to me is my Friday morning class got cancelled. Yea to sleeping in!! Cancelled classes are the best thing ever. Well one of the best. U of I's two snow days last year were pretty badass as well.

But look at me! Rambling about nothing and have lots to do to get done today! I'll write this weekend most likely about my fears of starting observing/student teaching this Monday. Dun, dun, dunnnnnn

Things To Be Happy About...

1. Yesterday was the 220th anniversary of the Signing of the U.S. Constitution. Take that you bastard Brits!

2. Today is Tuesday, meaning I get to take a nap

3. Kyle might visit me this weekend!

4. I've been dominating at "Min" lately

5. I've only sneezed 5 times so far today, compared to my usual 500.

6. I've only seen 1 cockroach in our apartment in the past 4 days. Dare I assume our preventive measures are working?

7. I've recently come into possession of a cool ass $2 bill and a buffalo nickel.

8. As a matter of fact, I'm going to take that lovely Tuesday nap right now. I swear I'll write a real blog soon!

Important Update

I took a bubble bath today for the first time in years.

It was glorious.

And The Birthday Girl Is.......

KENNA!!

Happy Birthday!!!!

Have a Fantastic Day!!

25! 25! 25!

Happy Birthday Nate!!!!!!!!

Have a Great 25th!!!

I Love Abe, But not his hall....

Quickly:
I've decided that Lincoln Hall at the University of Illinois is cursed. It's a dangerous place and should be avoided at all times...especially when wearing flip flops.


Not only have I had some of my worst classes ever in this building (Spanish anyone?), not only is it becoming so completely run down that the Daily Illini has featured several articles on its nasty appearance, not only does it lack any regulated temperature control, it is also a slick, slippery, dangerous place.


And let me tell you...it's saying alot for me to be criticizing Lincoln Hall. Because I do love that Abraham Lincoln. Good guy.


Today when I was waiting for my class in the main entry, a girl in flip flops was rushing down the staircase from the big lecture hall. Well she was rushing....and then all of a sudden she was sliding, and then falling, and then rolling. I felt awful, not because 10 people watched her do it, but because it looked really painful. Then she made the situation really awkward by looking at everyone who watched her fall, incredibly red-faced, before running off.

Then I laughed.


I only bring this up because I've seen a billion people fall at Lincoln Hall. Oh yes, myself included. I decided to present my klutzy ways last Spring when my Sociology Discussion class got out early. I wanted to beat my class down the stairs so I rushed in front of everyone, unaware that Lincoln Hall staircases don't like slick flip flops, and within a few steps was sliding on my ass loudly and painfully in front of like 6 boys in my class. Awesome. Not embarrassing at all. And because I'm that classy I decided to make the situation even more uncomfortable for the boys behind me by loudly saying "Woooopppsssss!, Ouch!" Then the boys just got quiet until I quickly ran away.


Then they laughed.


I'm telling you, Lincoln Hall is cursed. Beware.

Oh, and here's a picture of me and Martha in Lincoln Hall last year. Posing with Abe Lincoln's head. Which I might add, burned the crap out of marty's hand with it's surprise scalding light bulb hidden back behind his dome.

See? Witchcraft.

Luz Tiene Viente Anos!!

Happy 20th Birthday Luz!!!!!!

Have a Wonderful Day!!

20, 20, 20, Hurray!

W is for worry

I'm tired of always being so anxious. And so nervous, about everything, for no reason. I'm starting to think I need to be on some anxiety medicine 24/7 because I just have this feeling I'm giving myself ulcers.

I worry like crazy about every little thing. Sometimes I become semi-paranoid. It's a problem. A big one. Often when I start to freak myself out I try and calm down by telling myself its not that big of a deal. But 9 times out of 10 it doesn't help and I remain panicked until the situation that is worrying me is over. And whenever it's over I realize it wasn't that big of a deal.

So these anxiety issues started in highschool but I was able to keep check on them pretty well. I just feel like in this past year it's gotten kind of bad. I stress myself out way to much over every little detail in my life. The fact that I'm an upperclassmen in college and
already filling out applications for student teaching is really scary. The fact that I have no money saved up and need everything is scary. Every new class assignment I get, every new instruction I get for the teaching program is enough to freak me the hell out.

The only way I've been able to control these anxiety problems is to become super organized. Which I am. Almost to a fault. But even knowing exactly what I have to get done every day for the next week isn't enough. Because if one thing changes or doesn't happen I feel out of control.

Today I have a list of homework and projects to get done. It's already 3pm and I haven't started anything. Not because I'm being lazy...but because I know when I start I'm going to realize how much there is to do, and that will panic me.

I feel like there is always so much to get done, never enough time. But there is never really that much to get done and there always is enough time. I just worry myself way to much. I wish I knew a way to control it a little better. Because it's becoming an annoying hindrance to my life. I hate that it has an impact on my life and impacts those around me too. I know I annoy Kyle alot by how minute by minute I have to have things planned out and how much any change scares me or worries me. Any time I have to do something new I'll worry about it for days ahead.

It's really ridiculous. Obviously. It's something I'm going to work towards fixing this year because as someone who loves to have fun, laugh, and relax I just can't stand the constant knot in my stomach over pointless worrisome details.

So I really must get to that to-do list.......hopefully?

This deserves an "F"

Blogging is extremely difficult when you have nothing to say. Truly.

And I really have nothing to say. Other than the same-old, same-old boring crap I usually talk about. Such as: My classes are going ok, I'm beginning to get really stressed out about my schoolwork, I am way to tired, I have to work tonight (ick), I'm working tomorrow night too (ick), and I have a shit load of homework to get done Sunday (ick).

Unless you want to hear about how muggy it was in Champaign today leaving my hair looking like straw at this moment. Or how I've been eating fruit snacks lately like it's my full time job. But I'm sure you don't care about those things and neither the fuck do I.

Oh but I do have one thing to say. My friend is starting in the Illini football game tomorrow! He's number 44, defense, and his name is Brit Miller. Look for him

But other than that my life is boring and school is dominating it. Lame

I promise next time I write I'll say something worthwhile. Never mind, that's to ambitious of a promise.

Back to Reality

The weekend can't be almost over, It just can't!! I had way to much fun and I am really really not looking forward to going back to the real world. Damnit, I wish my 21st birthday was everyday :(

Friday was pretty amazing in every way. My classes went quickly enough, I got tons of phone calls, text messages, facebook messages, and cards/presents from the people I love. That may be my favorite part about birthdays, getting to hear from everyone close to you. And Friday night was a fucking blast. I got free liquor when I went to go pick up some pre-gaming alcohol. Then I got free cover at Brothers (a bar) and finally got free shots and beer all night long. All for wearing a little pin that said Birthday Girl. It was amazing. I've probably never taken so many shots in my life and I've definitely never had so many complete strangers buy them for me but I had a BLAST!!!! There may be several blank moments that I can't seem to remember from the night....but what I do remember was awesomeness!!!!!!!!!

The only damper on my birthday was returning home to find that our apartment had been broken into. Although we don't know if it was really truly broken into, since nothing was stolen. But we do know somebody kicked our door completely in, breaking off the wooden and metal door frame. So instead of everyone getting to go pass out upon returning from the bars, we had to stay up and wait for the police to come. And then poor Kelli had to sleep in the living room to make sure no one came into our apartment (since the door wouldn't close).

Thankfully the door is now fixed....I just wish I knew exactly what the hell happened. Hopefully it was some drunk guys messing around. Because our door was fricking Hulk Smashed in.

Other than that particular incident the rest of the weekend was amazing. Kyle came and visited and we had a great birthday dinner at Olive Garden where I ordered my first restaurant drink! We also did a ton of grocery and apartment shopping for me too. Fun! Then last night Kyle, Kelli, and I went out to dinner again where I ordered another restaurant drink (pretty much the most amazing thing to do ever. That's what I've been waiting for). All in all I had such a fabulous weekend. Any time Kyle comes to visit makes me so happy but when it's my birthday too!? Well then it's just extra nice.

Sadly I do have to go back to reality now though. I haven't done any homework since Thursday afternoon meaning I have a shit ton to get done today. So I had better get on it! Pronto!

But I'd like to thank everyone for the birthday wishes! Thanks Mom and Dad for the presents and cake!!!!!!!! I'll write soon and hopefully post some birthday pics too!